I've only had a few Muslim friends in my life and one of them is a colleague at the office. Because of her, I've become more conscious of Muslim practices and restrictions especially when it comes to food. One example was during the recently-concluded Ramadan, when we would be careful not to eat in her presence and made sure to ask her (after 6 pm) if she had eaten.

So finally, Eid Al Fitr came. No work, a holiday. Great!

That day, a Wednesday, my badminton group invited me to a dual meet: a group from Mindanao was coming over to our home court that day. They told me it was potluck and to please tell them in advance what I was bringing. I thought wow; maybe they’re here celebrating Eid Al Fitr and squeezed in playing badminton in the evening. What was easy to prepare at such a short notice that would be enough for a good number of people? Pansit.

I carefully told my mother that there would be Muslim friends joining our group that night. She decided to cook pansit with chicken. No pork. My mother boiled the chicken, deboned it carefully and cooked the pansit. It was very good.

The place was full when I arrived— all the courts were being used for that night. A girl from our group said hi to me and I took the chance to comment that it was amazing that we had friends from Mindanao joining that night. She said, yes, it’s something that has been practiced for several years already. The girl told me that they themselves go to Mindanao as well. “Dumadayo kami,” she said. I was totally impressed, almost in disbelief. I asked “Kahit ganon kalayo?”

She said, yes, yes. “Sa Mindanao corner Congressional.”

!@%$. I nodded at her and sat down to put on my badminton shoes. Secretly I called my house and in a very small voice told my mother: “Mama, wala ni isang Muslim dito.”

so long.

finally, i've come to the realization that i can't write anymore. i have nothing more to say.

to all my loyal readers (there isn't a lot of you but you are worth millions to me), thanks for having been with me all this time. i think it's best that i tell you i won't be writing anymore, than have you come here every once in a while to check if i had something to say. that would be a disappointment everytime, and i hate to disappoint. i truly hate to disappoint.

i'm on facebook though. i love updating my status there. my one-line status can speak volumes.

my status today:

"D confirms that you can't hear when you're free-falling."

you want to stay in touch? join facebook. add me up as your friend.

p.s. you may not know who I am. if you do want to know, just leave a message here with your name, open a facebook account and i'll add you as my friend in facebook.

hanggang sa muli.

a conversation between a ninong and his inaanak, while watching the FEU-Lasalle game last sunday:

Ice: FEU ako.
Ninong: Ayaw ko Lasalle.
Ice: Ba't ayaw mo ng Dasal?
Ninong: Ateneo kasi ako eh.
Ice: Wala namang Aneteo dyan eh.

naiyak ako, i swear. my girl is still so little but one day she will know what Lasalle is, and that Ateneo is not Aneteo. buti na lang tinamaan nya ang FEU.

saguijo

my former officemate said it very aptly: he didn't think i was ever a rocker. then what was i doing in saguijo last friday night?

it was not planned, my friend from high school and i agreed to meet for dinner last friday. her boyfriend L was not allowed (yes, not allowed, we girls are mean girls) to join us until after she and I had finished discussing all the essential girl talk. finally, when he did arrive he had to leave again, as his friend was on his way to pick him up. they were going to saguijo. after hearing this, she and i knew that we were going, too.

and so we went. saguijo was exactly what i imagined it to be: rundown, crowded, full of down to earth, interesting people. the beer was cheap (50 bucks) and the music was for free to be enjoyed. it reminded me of my days in UP when friends and i would go to the college of music and enjoy a free cultural show at the parking lot -- a violin or a flute would be playing the scale, or a voice major would be singing an aria -- while we ate fishballs at the parking lot.

(to be cont.)

uncanny connection

there's a girl i know, somebody i met months ago, an opposing counsel in fact. we've been going up against each other in at least ten cases that i've become most familiar with her.

she's pretty in a really cool way. when i mentioned this to the bosses sometime ago, they teased that i might be gay. of course we all know this is not true. i told them that my comment was really "aspirational".

anyway, sometime ago, i invited pretty girl to join us. i just blurted it out --- suntok sa buwan. being my opponent, i know her work, and i know her style. she looks like somebody who can make things happen. maabilidad. intelligent, of course, as she graduated from THE science high school and THE university and THE law school. sorry, my atenean readers :-)

she's joining us on october 16th.

why am i writing about her? because my connection with her is soooo uncanny.

after every hearing, we would have lunch or coffee and... TALK. we like to talk. we find it weird that we think so much alike. we both feel so much, and overthink. at lunch today we got stuck in mandaluyong due to the flooding. we spent HOURS just discussing her life. and mine.

nakakatuwa. especially now that friends are hard to find (figuratively and literally as most of my friends have families now), i'm just so thankful that there's one that i will soon find a few doors away from me, here in the office.

us tennis open 08

woohoo! it's murray vs. federer in the finals. i like them both, and i won't mind whoever wins. i'm just looking forward to watching an engaging match between these two especially since i've to wake at 5 a.m. tomorrow for their match.

finally, i've come to a conclusion that however likeable he suppposedly is, i don't really like nadal. i prefer federer over him, and murray even more. ika nga, di mapipilit ang puso. (duh?)

as for the women's finals --- well, serena won. corny.

thanks to etc channel, i was introduced to an amazing british singer who sings nessun dorma like nothing i've heard before. it was while i was putting away the dishes tonight when i overheard a plug for a certain concert this october, and they played a clip of the guy's performance at a british talent show. apparently, he won the top prize in '07.

so i watched paul potts on youtube, and he was just amazing he brought tears to my eyes. very few people have inspired me with their singing that way. so, i guess am watching in october.

since it's a classical music concert--- something that is not palatable to everyone --- i wondered who i can watch it? somebody who will appreciate the music and whose company i'll also appreciate.

i thought of R who is my friend from my university singing group - but he now has a girfriend and she might mind. ayaw ko namang kasama si girfriend kasi magmumukha akong third wheel.

i thought of D who loves bocelli and is married. I'm not worried about his wife kasi malakas ako dun, pero since ok naman si wife, i'll invite them both. so i won't be a third wheel, i'll invite BFF, who has no choice but to sama me because that's what BFFs do.

i know. (it has been a while!)

well, i had meant to publish here my "acceptance/thank you" speech at the dinner reception hosted by the partners sometime ago (2? 3 weeks ago?) just so you would know that i've not been looking much like a moron since my last post. :)

my sked has been just truly busy and any idle time i have i would rather not spend thinking or writing.

how have you been?

how have i been? things are looking up for me career-wise i think. that is all i can say about my life for now.

my first day at school

so it truly felt just like that. my first partners' meeting was held at 11 am today. i entered the room and saw most of the partners already in their respective seats, chatting. there were 3 reserved seats, not one of which was for me. in other words, i had no seat. i felt trulllly out of place. it was like my first day in UP undergrad. i felt like a complete moron.

looking forward to monday

my mom will be arriving on monday! yay!!!

then there will be a firm-sponsored dinner in honor of the promotees. unfortunately, my "preferred company" won't be able to make it . joke lang. wala. may pwedeng company, pero masyadong pressure to bring somebody that people will be scrutinizing and sizing up, thinking: ito ba ang S.O. nya?

so on monday night i will be giving my sort of acceptance speech, without preferred company.

damn damn damn. it's true, it's lonely at the top. LOL.

i don't care. just show me the money!

it's 12:34 am. am tired and grouchy and need to send an opinion out. monday was supposed to be my "big day" but really it wasn't.

i texted a few friends that my elation lasted for 5 minutes. in fact, i had a much huger experience when i:

(1) passed the bar
(2) passed my math 100 removal exam
(3) was falling in love.

but since i don't need to take either the bar or math 100, ever again --- this is just as good as it gets. fall in love? COME ON, who are we kidding?

i was informed that there was going to be a welcome dinner next week, with the partners and their spouses. i was told to bring "preferred company". they should have made me partner when i had one.

ok na. so this is how a partner feels.

a non-legal supervisor told me not to be sungit despite the change in my status. i told her i'd try. but really, what does that mean -- that my becoming this would transform me into someone else?

i seriously don't think so.

as B loves to say: you can take the girl out of cubao, but not cubao out of the girl.

in other words, i'm still me. i'll still eat fishballs. and buy stuff only if it's on sale.

the last day.

just came out of a "meeting" that sort of helped me understand the real deal.

am moving next door in august.

i'm viewing the photos taken on the 4th of july sent by my cousin. they looked happy on a cool yet sunny chicago day.

best of all, i'm looking at photographs of my mother, whom i haven't seen in more than one month. she has been gone too long, we think. papa has even shed tears on more than one occasion. out of longing, out of desperation.

in a lot of ways i am impressed that my parents have stuck to each other over the years. they seem to truly love each other, almost like brother and sister, maybe, but even then, it's still love. it's truly amazing. personally, i don't think i could ever be with anybody for that long a time. a lifetime? am not sure. i don't think there is anyone else out there who is like my father.

i've been told that the price of gasoline per liter is expected to rise as high as 91 pesos in 2008.

now i reeeeealy want to get a small car.

who wants to split a picanto? or an alto?

last sunday at boni hi street,

with my darling dears


my beautiful, wonderful girls

i'd always thought that i didn't like federer. but after last night's epic wimbledon finals that spilled into early monday morning, and reading the write ups on it, i feel sorry for federer. not so much because he lost to nadal, but because he could've placed himself alongside wimbledon legends such as Borg and McEnroe who won 6 consecutive wimbledon titles. of all matches to lose, federer lost the most important match of his career.

i regret not having watched the match but by 1130 pm i was already very sleepy. i was told that the match ended around 4 am today (Philippine time).

+++

of course my BFF is all happy about nadal's victory and i can't blame her. i keep making comments about nadal and she cuts me by saying "i know you're not a fan." hehe. she loves nadal, as in. as for me, like i've always said, am a fan of the sport. i like seeing underdogs turn the game around. unfortunately for federer, he was not able to.

happy birthday ate jeng.

may today there be peace within.
may you trust your highest power that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
may you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
may you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.
may you be content knowing you are a child of God.
let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, and to bask in the sun.
it is there for each and every one of you.

- author unknown, but it sounds like something that God would say.

Breaking news at www.inq.net [4:01 p.m., June 23rd]:

* (UPDATE) ‘No signs of life’ around ferry--Navy
* Floods in Cavite towns subside
* 21 La Union fishermen missing
* 33,000 families evacuated in Eastern Samar
* 29 bodies, 6 ferry survivors found in Masbate town--mayor
* (UPDATE) 28 more survivors recovered from capsized ferry
* 3 dead as cut power, communication lines isolate Marinduque
* Pampanga governor files plunder vs alleged ‘gambling lord’
* Climber dead, 9 rescued, 2 missing in Zambales trek mishap
* Typhoon Frank continues to move farther from RP
* Blast kills 1, injures 15 in Kalinga

News of death. Some of survival and hope, but the outlook does not really look good.

Hearing news of this kind makes me think that truly, nobody has a monopoly on pain or grief. I say a little prayer for the souls of the dead, and one of thanks that, despite where I am at, my family literally weathered the storm.

"foolish pride" is what the song says. but for me, pride is not a foolish thing. it's everything.

if you knew me, you'd know that i have a lot of pride. the vain kind, the kind that would make me focus on achieving something just "to show you". others may have that i-don't-care-what-you-think kind of attitude and that's so mature of them, but no, i don't go for that. i put a lot of premium on my pride.

it could be about anything, for ex., when a classmate disagreed with me during recitation in class and they're wrong, i'd be certain to disagree with them at another time. when somebody judges me, i'll be certain to show them how wrong they are about me.

but the worst kind? when you dismiss or underestimate me. i'll gather all my strength, pull it from everywhere and from out of nowhere, you're going to get it from me. stealthily. i don't operate head-on. that's just not my style.

i think of how to attack. i plan it, carefully, stealthily. you go on your merry way and then one day... you're going to want something from me but no, i won't be there. then i will have been able to "show you".

my uncle suffered a heart attack last night. he was 47.

i don't know the details of his death as it happened in chicago. my mother and my sister who were already in california took the earliest flight back to chicago. i still don't know what happened to my uncle right before he had an attack, i don't know if he suffered, i don't know.

i only know that i am happy to have been given the chance to see him a month ago, when he was so full of life. he seemed happy, but maybe not so, as he had not seen his family for a really long time. his kids used to be the young boys we took care of, growing up in one compound. i have a special attachment to the eldest, and to the youngest, being my godchild. their middle brother is close to ate mel, and now has his own family.

uncle omeng, as i described him to a friend last night, was "sobrang funny and mabait". the best thing i liked about him was his laidback view about life. he took everything with a grain of salt: he was not a worrier. he refused to worry and just took life one day at a time. he was very funny. did i already say that?

maybe what i really mean to say is that he was the source of joy in our lives. it was a joy seeing him. i remember i hugged him when we had that photo taken. i remember talking to him for a long time outside of the restaurant where cheska had her reception after baptism. i remember teasing him before i left na hindi pa n'ya ko na-shopping. i remember him saying sorry and me saying that's ok uncle, naglalambing lang ako.

the other question that is foremost in my mind is: my family seems to be dying a lot these days. who's next?

and so i remember to appreciate who is still around. to love and enjoy them.

and considering that many of my family have crossed over to the other side, then maybe dying won't be as scary anymore, knowing that uncle omeng would be there, with auntie vascion, and lila (whom i never met) waiting by the door.

so long, uncle omeng. hats off to you. you were such a great guy. at least, auntie vascion will now also be entertained in heaven.

out of touch, out of town

just got back from a palawan weekend with colleagues. el nido, as always, was breathtaking. some photos later.

a day in the life of two lawyers.

B: Hayayay. How do you refute an idiotic argument without giving in to the temptation of calling the petitioner an idiot?
Me: you say: this idiotic argument deserves no refutation. petition is denied for lack of intelligent argumentation.
B: I wish.
Me: and the petitioner's lawyer is required to attend 1000 units of MCLE.
Me: and take the bar AGAIN.
B: Blindfolded.

it may not always be so; and i say

it may not always be so;and i say
that if your lips,which i have loved,should touch
another's,and your dear strong fingers clutch
his heart,as mine in time not far away;
if on another's face your sweet hair lay
in such a silence as i know,or such
great writhing words as,uttering overmuch,
stand helplessly before the spirit at bay;

if this should be,i say if this should be-
you of my heart,send me a little word;
that i may go unto him,and take his hands,
saying,Accept all happiness from me.
Then shall i turn my face,and hear one bird
sing terribly afar in the lost lands.

- ee cummings

sick again. same as i was in chicago a month ago.
i have the flu, the kind that i need to lie down and sleep to recover.
my throat is itchy and i cough like anything. i have a cold, my eyes watery and my face feels puffy. you get the pic.

but for the last 24 hours, i've had two one-hour naps.

bawi ako on saturday. i'll sleep the whole day. buti na lang long weekend.

finally, baka i'll stop blogging na muna. i'm bored and i have nothing to say.

it's 4:07 pm and am still at the o'hare airport.

my american airlines flight to LAX has been delayed for an hour due to faucet leak at 2 lavatories. it's a 4 hour-flight and i wonder whether it would be better that they simply fly the plane even with 2 closed lavatories as there are 2 others that are working anyway. i don't know. am just pissed because we had to deplane and bring out our carry on bags once again.

am supposed to meet up with my sister's husband at the LAX for dinner since my layover at the airport for my connecting flight to manila was 5 hours (now shorter). let's see whether it would still be wise for us to meet up considering that this faucet fixing is taking forever.

AM GOING HOME!

in 30 hours i will be in flight.
the traveling, including the waiting at airports, would be for over 24 hours.
it will be draining, i know. but at least i'm comin' home.

loved my stay here with family. loved that we re-bonded with cousins, most especially. will miss cheka and the boys.

but am going home to papa, my sister, and the 2 girls. and to my badminton boys. i surely hope i still know how to play after 1 month.

one thing i learned here how to do and enjoy best: drinking. ok, anybody up for a drink?

see you.

failed to post about downtown boston while i was in boston.

went on a ducktour with M, B's sister who drove all the way from hartford, connecticut. she was super nice to do that and spend the whole day with me. we went on a city tour on an amphibious vehicle that brought us boating on the very pretty charles river.





we saw the old buildings of boston. that city had a lot of history. there are buildings that have been preserved in their old condition, save for an airconditioner that butts out through the wall.





the trinity church:



we also walked along the fancy newbury street where victorian houses were converted into shops with pretty window displays.




we tried watching a baseball game at fenway park but the ticket booths were closed at the time we tried to get tickets. oh well.
photo op na lang.



after downtown boston, M and i went to the acquarium area and had a perfect lunch at legal sea foods. of course i had the authentic boston meal, the clam chowder and lobster. legal sea foods' clam chowder has allegedly been served at all the past 7 inaugurals of the president of the united states.







after a day of walking and exploring downtown and cambridge, M and i went to a local pub somewhere near harvard square and drank, surrounded by locals, students, professors, beautiful and bright people.

the 21 year old and up issue

last night we went to this cuban resto in DC where it was salsa night. it was my fault and i should've brought my wallet, but decided against it due to kikay reasons. my black purse could only accommodate so much and the wallet had to be left behind. ergo, no ID. no ID, no entry.

so we explained that i was visiting, i left my wallet etc etc. the cuban dude called the manager who told me i should be out of the resto by 10 pm and that i must not drink alcohol. of course we agreed and got inside. a little later they put a wrist band on me, a tag that i was not allowed to drink. i told them i'm way old but they said it was the law, and they were just following it. while the cuban guy put the wristband on me, i kidded him that i might as well order hot milk. he didn't say anything. i then said that i should have some candies displayed on the counter. tigas ng ulo.

so we had dinner, and watched as some of the asians danced with the whites. my friend j told me that the asians in DC are mostly educated ones, and that they are considered "hot". she's asian yet her hubby won't benefit from the "prestige" of marrying an asian because he himself is pinoy. funny.

later on we transferred to a bar that was in an apartment. we came prepared this time. j gave me her driver's license as she had another ID. it didn't matter that her photo was on the card, the door-guy only had to turn on his pinlight on the date of birth written on the card. c said that all they check is whether the card is a fake or not; it allegedly doesn't matter whether your ID had the right identity, photo, birthdate. all that matters is that it looks legit.

here we are, 4 law school classmates thousands of miles away from Diliman:



here i was drinking my margarita, and then i was complaining that j was so slow in taking my photo:





with c, the harvard kid and world bank hotshot:



with j, same description as c's:



and finally, with j, one of my bestest friends in class and mother of ellyce. that, by itself, is worth more than a million dollars.



i know about the blouse. don't tell me.

Stop: Washington, DC

Am now in Virginia, just arrived at my good friends and classmates' conjugal home. I also visited them in September '06.

Will soon be going out to have dinner with the couple and our other classmate, who also works in World Bank. I should post here our photo from 06 and the one i will take tonight.

I just gotta say, the flight coming here was a scary one. Bad trip, literally. The plastic cups were flying off from the turbulence. And the pilot never addressed us to let us know what was happening. 20 minutes before landing, the pilot said we had to prepare for landing. It took forever for the plane to reach the ground. I had wondered whether i was going to go that way. And in my "dying" moments, I burrowed into my heart and came up with the truth, so accurate that the prospect of death did not even make me want to do a wager with Him.

But really, salamat God ha? i absolutely didn't want to go that way.

may 20th - arrived in boston. explored harvard in the afternoon.

while other tourists had an "unofficial" guide with them (unofficial harvard tours dot com), i had the best guide who gave me inside access. my guide is my classmates' friend who is now teaching at harvard.



at one point i pretended to be a "prospective" student who was then allowed to get inside the Widener library. another time, my guide swiped his card to get inside the law school library and we both entered the room at the same time.

i saw the moot court, the classrooms. the harvard yard, the statue of 3 lies. no, i did not rub john harvard's toe. because i had been forwarned.






the lady up there: that ain't me.

eto ko. see john harvard in the backround.



this is the harvard law school:




when i was inside the library sorrounded by books and students quietly studying, as if in prayer, that old feeling came. that feeling of being important, of wanting to do something difficult and achieving something extraordinary that not everybody can do. i was inside the most prestigious law school in the United States, and i wanted to get in. As in "in".

i know, i know. am just too lazy to write.

but this morning, i had an "i love chicago mornings" moment. i got up while everybody was still asleep (everybody = cousin and her daughter. her hubby already left and my mother and sister slept at my aunt's house last night).

i made coffee, and cooked.

did you know i used to cook when i was in college (read: when i had the time)? i could cook and i cooked pretty good food.

this morning i looked into my cousin's ref and found smoked sausage, onions and pepper. since we have ciabatta bread, it seemed like a good idea to saute the sausage, garlic and the veggies in olive oil.

so i did:



and the product:



it was pretty good. i had ciabatta and fried egg and coffee for breakfast. it was nice, only i ate alone.

later in the afternoon, the family went to the mall and ended up eating at this resto that had a rainforest/jungle theme. highlight for me was this:



notice? ate is smiling in that photo.




this is me and mama posing at the jersey boys poster:



other photos of cousins and the kids:





there are other photos i want to post. next time.

today started off okay. ate jeng and i slept in the same bed while mama slept in the other. i woke at 630, had a good breakfast and went to the grocery with uncle tony. as usual, it was freezing this morning. i was thankful for my trusty leather trenchcoat (the one i got in australia) and the scarf that papa gave years and years ago.

when we returned home we found abby's boys john-john and francis who were obviously very happy to be home with their mommy. we went to michigan lake with the boys where it was even colder. it was fun to be out on a sunny but windy and chilly day and see the boys running around... i realized at that point how it was so MUCH easier to take care of little girls. the girls don't run around as much. i worry about the boys tripping over.

sometime in the afternoon the boys were getting ready to leave. the eldest started crying and the other tried his best not to. then later on my sister came in the room, crying as well. i thought she felt sorry for the boys. it turned out john-john asked my sister "where's your baby?" and she had no choice but to tell him that she was in heaven. being a child, he asked again "did she die?"

since my sister was crying, my mother started to cry too. we were the only 3 in the room and i started to feel really really uncomfortable. i asked for a phone card and called B, whom i knew was up at 630 in the morning.

tonight at nette's place, we had frozen margarita. i've so far had 3 glasses and i'm not buzzed yet. but we're all very sleepy now and have decided to sleep.

today was not a very good day. maybe tomorrow.

now that the conference is over and i have my laptop back (it was used to play some promotional ad for the philippine conference in '09), i can now write about my trip.

but just like in that story where a group of dumb people who wanted to become intelligent figured that the only way to do so was to read books, but they didn't have books and thought that they should write books instead but then they thought:

we have nothing to write.

i have nothing to say.

i have photos in my camera and i've yet to download them.

i just know that i have one more pleading to write. i really gotta write that pleading already.

for now, we're going out. we are supposed to eat here.

dear nette,

since i know you read my blog, am writing you here. ;)

di ba you're supposed to pick up mama today for cheska's monthly birthday party which is tomorrow? di ba mama is supposed to cook her wonderful pansit palabok? i want that. so please please please, also pass by for me at the hotel.

and for the information of all you uzis out there, this is my hotel

i want palabok too. at bago magalit si A of Melb why i am more interested in food, let me explain that my mom's palabok rocks.

funny also that my mom's famous fried chicken has had a great following the day she arrived here. that afternoon, my cousins munched on her chicken and asked the same question:

"mama, how did you cook this stuff?"

my mom's chicken is the best i've ever tasted.

now, going back: nette, please daanan n'yo ko later. thanks :)

just got back from a weirdly-conceptualized reception/dinner at the museum of the science and something something i can't even remember. first, it was out of the way. secondly, the food stations were placed at different areas i didn't even know they were there. thirdly, the queues at the food stations were unbelievably long i had no energy to chat with whomever was beside me. i was hungry and grouchy. And sick.

anyway, at the very least the risoto was good. a little salty but it was good.

that's all i did. lined up for risoto. ate my risoto. drank my lemonlime soda. got on the bus out and went home.

i want to drink my medicine and sleep.

what's wrong with me? am not enjoying myself.

hello from the windy city. been sick since i got here. i've got the flu -- cold, cough and fever. the works.

i need a happy thought. am feeling a little bit down.

was in boracay last weekend with my good good friends A and B. A was there for a wedding she had to attend and B and I tagged along. perfect excuse to get B out of manila, and to the beach. the last time B was in boracay was 12 years ago, when there was no electricity yet and the expats walked the beach topless and in their thongs.

the last time i was in boracay was in 2005 and it's almost as pretty as i remembered it to be. only this time we had accommodations at station 1, which was way better than staying at nami (even if the place rocked, it was very far, and it felt like i was in a different continent then).

i am not sure how A and B would feel about my posting our photos in public so i'm posting only mine. but after a week i'll be tearing them down, just because.

so here's bora in the afternoon we arrived:



dinner was at this greek resto (operated by the same owners of mati that used to be in powerplant)



the following day we had lunch at aria, hoping to outdo our lunch at gastouf (how do you spell that again?) which was a disaster.

that night B and I had sisig and bulalo while A was at the wedding reception (which, btw, we wanted to crash but didn't because we did not have proper attire for a wedding reception.) but the bulalo soup was very good.

well, in between, we did some swimmin

[PHOTO DELETED]

Okay, that photo doesn't show me swimmin. but i did. only i don't have a photo to prove it. [i had a massage at the beach and even have a photo to prove it. but you won't be seeing that, of course.]

this is me at cyma being fried under the sun. if only the uncle-types at the other table were not around, i would've removed my shirt as A told me that I was wearing my swimsuit anyway.

[PHOTO DELETED]

my favorite place was at jonah's where we had yummy shakes and tacos.



3 days was too short a time to be in boracay. we should've taken monday off.

all in all, i had a good time in the company of good people. babalik kami.

i've been planning to write this post but didn't know how. how do i tell you about my first badminton tournament? that i did want to win all my 3 games even as i made an announcement that i was playing for fun?

my partner and i competed at level D mixed doubles. we lost our first match, almost won our second but lady luck was completely on the other side. finally, when i've conquered my nerves, i told my partner that we were going to win our third match. and we did. 35-23.

after the tourney my partner texted me:

"you made me proud today, especially our last game. it was you, all you."

damn. shet. na-touch ako. my partner was a national volleyball player, a professional coach. he's playing badminton as a new sport.

anyway. i told him that we were going to be champs one day. i hope this happens before i ruin my knees.

am at bo's drinking green tea blended and this song is playing in the background:

If you're feeling sad and lonely,
There's a service I can render.
Tell the one who loves you, only,
I can be so warm and tender.

Call me.
Don't be afraid, you can
Call me.
Maybe it's late, but just
Call me.
Tell me and I'll be around.

anyway. this song reminds me of that scene in when harry met sally when sally has decided to shut harry out of her life. you'd think that when harry met sally is a comedy and it is, and yet that scene in the end when harry delivered his big speech about wanting to spend the rest of his life with her asap now na chu chu, i noticed myself almost in tears.

recently i watched a film that had the same effect on me: the godfather 3. of all of them, the godfather 3! you'd think that with sophia coppola's terrible acting and crooked smile nobody would ever cry over this film except sophia herself when the critics butchered her, but, without warning, i did cry when michael told kay that he still loved her, and she said that "for whatever it's worth, i've always loved you and i think i always will." damn. nakakaiyak 'yun ha.

pero after that scene close to the ending, the suspense was too much for me. i couldn't go on not knowing how it was going to end... was michael going to be ambushed??? i fast forwarded and saw his daughter die. good. i rewinded and watched the remaining parts of the film with the same contempt for miss coppola.

on involvement and blandness

these past days i've been involved with a friend's (D) life story. it's quite interesting really. it's about the past that has recently made its way to see D in the face. D was not prepared and has regressed to the old D eighteen years ago. yep, 18.

i wonder how anybody could remember what life was like 18 years ago. 18 years ago i was graduating from high school. 18 years ago i had long hair, high-teased bangs and wore paper pants. that's all i can remember.

D, however, remembers everything. so we talked about it 3 weeks ago and have been discussing it every week since the past came to haunt D. we average talking for 4 hours over coffee and cig, while mosquitoes buzz over my head and under the table. the security guards at the coffee place where we meet complain about us leaving at 230 a.m., when the place closes at 1 a.m.

so everyday there's an update and i am involved. today, i got an update. when D asked about me: this is what we ended up discussing:

D: we watched SOS last night. ang galing pa rin.
me: hmmmn. am not a fan. never seen them perform. i also don't like going to concerts anymore. na ha-hassle-an ako.
D: hassle? y?
me: i guess unless super gusto ko yung group, or artist, ayaw ko nang pumipila. i just want to go home now and sleep hehe
D: ang arte naman! concert lang e!
me: yup. nacocornyhan na kasi ako. old age siguro
D: e puro matatanda din kasama namin kagabi. age bracket mo.
me: mismo.
me: am losing interest in things, generally.
me: midlife krisis
D: hmmmn
D: losing interest... as in tired? bored?
me: maybe bored
me: maybe tired too
D: no drive to get on with life?
me: not naman life
D: ano lang?
me: parang cynicism.
D: cynicism saan? u said not life, so what, where?
me: cynicism that something great will happen pa to me
me: parang feeling ko, ok na to, whatever na lang
me: burning out siguro
me: arising from a series of disappointments
me: natuto nang wag na lang ma involve in whatever life may have in store for me
me: haha. drama noh. not really.
me: am just as bland talking about it as my coffee
me: bland bland bland
D: well
D: but meron pa namang ok di ba. ok sa buhay
me: siguro kaya din involved ako sa buhay mo
D: mukha nga
me: kasi it's something to talk about
me: something thats more interesting than my bland life
D: whoa
me: am not complaining. am just stating a fact.
D: got lost there
me: thats ok
me: you need not follow me. kahit ako di ko alam san papunta haha
me: ang daming comments arising from SOS haha.

well, need i say more? it's tuesday and i'm bored and tired. and i have only had maybe 3 hours of sleep. i did a godfather dvd marathon last night. can't believe al pacino didn't win an oscar for any of that.

see? this post is aimless.

later.

it has been a while since i last wrote something substantial (read: interesting) here. medyo i've been feeling some downtime inspiration-wise. parang walang magandang bagay na pwede kong isulat dito.

until it hit me.

over aristocrat dinner sponsored by the brand-new atty. M, i introduced the topic: if you could go back to college, what would you do differently?

nobody was prepared to give a ready answer, so i gave them my answer. here it is: if i could go back to college, i would not be timid.

i'll tell you about me when i was 16 years old. i was painfully TIMID. i was not assertive, i was a wallpaper. i didn't voice out my opinion, i was shy, i was invisible. yes, invisible.

my colleagues were surprised to hear this. for some reason they can't seem to see me as timid.

i had culture shock during my first year, first sem in UP. coming from an all-girl high school, my first day in a co-ed school was SHOCKING. a male classmate who was going around our classroom to collect P50 for the class fund finally came up to me and asked for 50 bucks. i remember him, and i remember me thinking: bastos naman ng lalaking ito. why? because he was probably about one foot away from me. at 16, my concept of personal space was conservative. i think now you'd have to do more than stand one foot away from me to be bastos.

anyway.

so that was me in first year college. since college meant going to different classes with different people, i didn't have a ready set of friends. during my first year it felt like i was just floating, fleeting around school. i went to class, got out of class, then went home. i didn't have an org, i didn't have anything to do. i wasn't ready to explore college life.

later on i had a few friends. but my memory of undergrad with these friends was limited to all the clean, nice things that we latebloomer girls do. we ate at casaa. shared money to buy food at the end of the day. we slept in our own cars at the parking lot. we watched movies and did group studying. we didn't drink, didn't smoke, worst of all, we didn't do boys. (i don't mean do, do. we didn't date them, we didn't talk to them. we looked at them from afar. we talked about K while he talked to the pretty girls. we looked at the girlfriends of the nice looking boys and figured out what was wrong with them. ha ha. there weren't too many boys who liked us. or me.)

anyway, fast forward to law school. at this point, E, a colleague and almost a batchmate in law school, interrupted me "eh namayagpag ka sa law school."

well. in the same way that i'm quick to admit what a real dork i was in undergrad, i was probably quite the opposite in law school. in law school i made a wonderful self-discovery: when i spoke, people listened to me. i made a lot of friends, females and males alike. people made me run as class or sorority president, even the student government (but the latter - this i did not do). my no-boy slate in undergrad became the opposite in law school. while i didn't have a lot of boyfriends in law school: there were a few boys and stories worth talking about. but not here. buy me a beer and i'll spill like the bottle you will buy me.

going back: if i could go back to college... i wouldn't be shy anymore. i'd have more faith in myself and be friends with the boys. i'd experience love so much earlier on. i'd be crazy! so crazy my mom would have to drag me home. hee hee. ayan kasi, i'm such a latebloomer now it appears that there isn't really a reason for me to be rushing into things.

last night i got my first yonex racket. congratulations and thanks to our newhire M, who promised to give me his extra (still new) yonex racket if he passed the bar. of course he did. and i got my racket. congrats atty. M!!!

my weekend was tiring but in a good way.

last saturday i had meant to attend my sorority lunch at manila polo. since i came home to qc friday night, attending the lunch meant traveling from fairview to makati. i knew traffic would be heavy at around lunchtime but i did not expect it to be that heavy. i was crawling from east avenue to crame at about 1220, and knew that by the time i reach makati lunch would have been long finished. i took a detour and tried to change my phone's settings to block a call from S, as i promised her i'd be attending lunch. thankfully that call never came.

i ended up going to a nail salon which offered a full body massage service. finally!

afterwards i tried going to makati again, but traffic was really bad still. i just went home and hung out with my family.

at about 730, i packed up and headed for badminton. i played badminton from 8 to 12 midnight.

then sunday morning i played badminton from 930 a.m. to 1230 p.m. an addict, yes.

i functioned pretty well pa in the afternoon while my family and i enjoyed dinner "out". literally, at the porch. we celebrated several things last night: my sister's having finished her report, our getting a US visa, seeing gabby concepcion who was super guwapo on the buzz. the last one was a joke, but gabby did look really gwapo. i don't remember finding him attractive before, but then again, the guy left the philippines in 1995 when i was young and had a different taste in men. now it's 2008 and yes, throw me a gabby concepcion look-alike, or anybody with the same man-aura and i'd gladly celebrate him.

this morning it was so hard to get out of bed. but today is my workmate's birthday and i knew we would have a funky lunch to celebrate. we had lunch at myron's place in gb5 and i ordered some really nice lamb chops = reminded me of that time in adelaide where my galpal and i ate a whole lot of lamp chops being passed around.

tomorrow, there's another lunch to be sponsored by our firm for the passing of the bar by our newest hirees. it's even more special because one of them placed 7th.

+++

this write up looks like a news bit written by a 12 year old.

good enough

yesterday i spent hours and hours talking to my badminton mates, D and B, still soaked in sweaty badminton attire. since it was easter sunday, only 3 of us showed up for badminton. good thing the trainor was there to complete a doubles game. i was the only girl in the group.

after a really tiring game, D, B and I sat outside the court for small talk before going home. the small talk eventually became big as we talked about several things:

1. B's newborn child
2. B's current relationship with the mother of his child (B and mother of child were broken up when the baby was conceived. cue in the song: let's take all night to say goodbye)
3. B's analysis on why I am still unmarried and unattached
4. D's analysis on who I am and what I want.

of course i need not discuss B's child and his relationship. i mean, care ko.

B thinks i am intimidating and will have trouble attracting any real guy. he said i was suplada when we first met. i told him he was suplado when we first met. obviously we're good now but he still thinks if a guy didn't know me well enough he'd get intimidated. as to what kind of guy would be intimidated by me, i wouldn't know and B didn't tell me.

B also thinks am super engrossed with my career that i have no time for love. to this, D commented: "of course not. (D) is a drop-everything girl." napaisip ako. medyo true. i was a terrible student when i had a boyfriend or was in deep crush with someone. i wrote on the margins of my notes the name of current boy and even FLAMES-ed our names while in class.
when then current boy was my classmate i really did LOUSY in all my recitations he must have thought I was a complete moron. [pero buti na lang mas mataas ang ranking ko sa kanya when we graduated.] for the record, then-boy and i are friends now, and am over him and he knows it.

anyway. D thinks I have just not been lucky. maybe i am, maybe not. maybe what i need i already have, maybe i just haven't realized it.

in the end, B told me that he should have met me earlier last year and I would be probably married to him now. i let that roll off my back: what do you say to somebody who tells you that?

i tell B (the real B) about this and he asks me: "would you have wanted to marry him?"

i say: "hmmm. he plays really good badmin and is kind and looks nice. but he's just a friend to me. but that's not the issue, is it? the issue is, this guy thinks am good enough."

i ask B, am i good enough? B says, yes.

I say: i want to be the best. best enough. :) and i want my partner to be somebody i could look up to. i want him to be better, greater than me. i want to be The Greatest Fan of His Life.

anyway. sappy sappy monday afternoon.

B, D and I finished talking around 3 pm. D's wife was calling him already and D said he'd lie about being late. D told his wife B treated us to lunch. afterwards D told me: "yari, sobrang gutom ako and i can't have lunch at home because i told (wifey) we already had lunch."

hahaha. karma.

di ako iyakin na tao. pag ikaw napaiyak mo 'ko, wear a medal. you have either hurt me or irritated me so much that you had better be prepared to get hurt yourself.

i played badminton tonight from 8 til 1040. a total of six games.

when i first signed up for the queuing, the guy in charge eyed me suspiciously, but politely asked me: "di naman ho kayo beginner?"

in my mind: "HUWAAAAT???" i've been playing badminton regularly for over 2 years. but of course the dude didn't know that.

anyway, i said "um, no..." (then i internally and quickly debated with myself on whether to tell him that i play class C badminton --- hehehe jokejokejoke)

after about 3 games, the dude paired me up with a girl and we were supposed to go up against 2 boys (well. one boy and one she-boy with long hair and boobs. he was almost pretty. could have fooled me really but HER voice gave HIM away.)

my partner complained to the dude: "2 boys yun."

the dude looked at me and said "magaling naman si ma'am..." tapos biglang kumambyo ng: "magaling naman kayong dalawa..."

WOO-HOO!!!!

my expensive mizuno shoes were amazing (c/o B, the wrestler boi). and so was the hand-me down winnex racket that i had not been using for years (c/o D, my ball date for several years).

4cdb.

loose ends and chasing pavements

i asked her, can you believe it?
am so done.
i'm just waiting for one final gift and then i'll be gone.
i don't want anything else anymore, ok na ko. tama na.

please just leave me alone in peace.

my sister is now back in her house in california.

+++

she needs to make peace with it.

she could still feel some parts of her denying, rejecting it, but thankfully, she feels that it can be overcome.

i am happy with the level of peacefulness that she has reached when it has only been a short while.

4 steps:

1. cry.
2. take a deep breath.
3. drink water.
4. move along.

a surprise birthday.

she wouldn't have thought in a million years that such a birthday party was going to happen as the clock struck midnight.

+++

it's too easy.

i ran at 630 this morning at the park. with my ipod on, i only thought of 2 things:

can i possibly run twice (and a half) around the academic oval in 28 minutes?

can i possibly finish 88th out of 500 runners?

(and while my ipod was playing coldplay, that song from les miz was going in and out of my head)

my male friend (let's call him MF) and i were walking back from dinner last night when his cellphone buzzed. he wondered who could be texting him so late in the night (it was 11 pm-ish), and i suspected (as am sure he did too) that it was his non-girl. it turned out that it wasn't her, but something about the guess I made, made me realize something.

but for reference, let me explain why i call her non-girl. because she seems to be his girl and yet not. MF is obviously not certain on whether he wants her to be his girl, and yet won't stop seeing her because (i think) he may want her to be his girl sometime in the future. gets? at least, MF is not being rash in making a decision that could change both his and non-girl's lives. i also think that he's playing his cards right.

anyway, going back: so assuming that it was non-girl texting MF, and assuming that it meant she was kind of reaching out to him late that night because she's in love with him, based on MF's reaction, i reached the following conclusions:

you cannot make anybody fall in love with you.

and at the same time,

you cannot make yourself fall in love with somebody no matter how hard you try.

and, as conclusion no. 3:

knowing and understanding conclusions 1 and 2 above would save you from unnecessary pain (in the first case) or guilt (in the second).

ganyan talaga ang buhay.

p.s. i know. i think TOO MUCH.

Felicity: (recording) I remember reading somewhere that, --

In the darkened room, Felicity and Ben sit in the window box talking.

Felicity: (recording) -- that soldiers who have been through battle, that they have some kind of a special bond because, you know, they survived it. I never really knew what that meant, before last night.

inspired by a true story that was almost mine:

an unexpected twist

her prognosis was not very good. as all break ups usually go, she expected it to be bad; the kind that would make her cry and ache for him day and night until she dried up. she expected it to be that kind that she would restrain herself from contacting him and instead indulge in sprees - crying, drinking, shopping.

he was a great guy who had lost his way but found his way back. he appreciated her and believed that she was a good person and wanted to be around her for the rest of his life. and vice versa.

and friendships are a great thing.

cheers to lifelong friendships.

+++

taken from somebody's wall in facebook:

life is short,
break the rules,
forgive quickly,
kiss slowly,
love truly,
laugh uncontrollably,
and never regret anything that made you smile.

Of the good in you I can speak, but not of the evil.

For what is evil but good tortured by its own hunger and thirst?

Verily when good is hungry it seeks food even in dark caves, and when it thirsts, it drinks even of dead waters.

- Kahlil Gibran

more codes

mores code

morse code.

konti na lang.

. .... ... ..... ....... . ........

manage your hunger.

moderate your greed?

i am not greedy.

just hungry.

chemistry. or the lack thereof.

there is somebody that i could (if forced to) spend one whole day with in one room and not say anything to. i imagine filing my nails (hands and FEET if necessary) in his presence and not feel dyahe about it. that is how much i don't like him.

there has been a recent development in his life that i would call a jackpot moment that is the only thing going for him. other than that, shiyet, what a lousy, lonely boy he is, for being who he is.

alam ko masama ako. but it's my blog.

nexxxxt!

this familiar feeling surfaces
like a well of water it lifts
up to my head and i recognize it
i say hello yes it is you
it has been a while.

and all this time i thought
i have forgotten who i am
and that i don't remember
anything else --- except---

it is when i am this
that i become a different person
and this is when i realize
that this is truly who i am.

and only for documentation purposes:

it was time for me to tell you that there was an imbalance somewhere in this. in my world, it has to be a certain way and not that way. but even then i did try to ride the ride the best way I could, which was, for the most part, fun.

i believe that we get what we deserve. what i must have gotten from you (or did not get), was what i deserved. we could have been better friends, i think, but something - i don't know what it is - prevented that.

but all in all, am good. it's just that it's not a minor thing for me to lose a friend especially due to a miscomm. i don't fight with my friends. i just disappear from their lives.

+++

AND i have 15 NObodies. yes, you told me you don't care. but i do. and since we're not really friends after all, i believe that you don't really give a flying @&^#.

little miss sunshine

at around 11 a.m., my cousin mayang texted me to call home. i replied that i was in a meeting, then added "why? problem?"

i hate getting messages like that. i hate that they make me call home and i don't know why i have to call them when they could have already told me what they wanted to say.

morbid thoughts ran through my head.

then she replied, "nanalo si ice. 2nd place."

hahaha. she was referring to our dear niece, isobel, who competed in a singing contest at her school. this was a big deal for us last weekend. we had different reactions about her joining.

firstly, we didn't push her to join. in fact, we didn't want her to join. but she wanted to and all we could do was to support her.

sunday morning was spent looking for the right song. i wanted her to sing some cutesy little girl song, something catchy that would not bore the audience. my sister wanted her to sing this pop song, something ice already knew. but i wasn't so sure.

ice has a good singing voice, but she gets off-key a lot of times. i'm not sure if this is normal for little children but i surely have heard kids as young as she is sing in tune. so that was my initial problem.

but anyway, i was outvoted. she was going to sing this pop song. my five-year old niece then walked around the house, with earplugs and an ipod, listening to this song over and over and over until she memorized the lyrics.

sunday lunch was spent videotaping her while singing so ice could see her "stage presence". ha ha. am not kidding.

then, yesterday. i heard there were 7 of them that competed. she won second place.

character building

you gotta stop you gotta stop it's like american idol, you can't always audition and not get through to hollywood.

+++

'twas pretty harsh what you said, but it was all deserved.

+++

...pero...

+++

i guess i expected some compassion, despite.

+++

but i own it up. it's all me, it's all mine.

our firm's relaunch is done!

am so happy. because it finally came and went.

am so happy because it was a success. read here.

so many stories. so little time to write.

highlights:

1. leading FVR to the front despite his protest. he wanted to stay at the back. i told him "you gotta make me do my job." he relented.

2. introducing myself to Mar Roxas. i told him i could be a very good campaign manager for 2010. he laughed. i said, no, i'm serious.

3. telling gen. joe almonte to cut the long boring speech. i passed a paper to him that said "sir, please proceed with the toast." upon reading my note, he told the audience "oh, i've been told to proceed with the toast". everybody laughed and heaved a sigh of relief. then he went on to ramble. i was thinking of writing him another note that says "sir, please proceed with the toast NOW." buti na lang he stopped na.

4. rehearsing johnny litton with his spiel. making him feel relaxed.

5. getting mad at the head of the string quartet. call time was 4 pm, event at 6. she said she was "approaching ayala" at 530. i asked her if they were complete na, but she told me, "i don't know i've not seen them yet." blood rushes to my brain and i cut her off --- the event is at 6pm and you're not sure where your members are?? kelan ninyo planong dumating dito??? i passed on the phone to a colleague. but to be fair, they were good. but even then, di bale na. magkakasakit ako sa puso sa kahihintay sa inyo! (if you want to know who they are, call me.)

6. the company greeting me onstage.

7. seeing my college professor. i became guarded na because of that event in greenbelt before. last night, he was the one who reached to beso me. all the best with matching wave.

8. drinking 5 glasses of wine, feeling happy buzzed, talking to guests, friends and important government officials.

9. waking up at 3 a.m., all thirsty. i had no more water in my ref. i drank tap. yuck.

p.s. the whole event i had a radio on that allowed the production people to coordinate with one another. every once in a while, the door guy would report to me

"senator angara is here."

"FVR is here."

"baby arenas is here." (ha ha. he didn't report that to me, but she was there really.)

"manny villar is on his way."

"senator roxas is here."

sinong hinintay namin na di dumating? madami.

basta ako yung hinintay ko, dumating.

a breakthrough

since she likes chinese food, our family went to chinatown. i parked at the first parking space i found and we walked around, looked for what seemed to be a nice authentic place to have late lunch.

she was chatty. she posed for photos. she ate a lot.

we went to hi street later, i told her it was my most favorite spot in the metro. she brought ice to animal land, and we ended up sharing a few hundreds each so ice could get a bunny rabbit and some accessories for it.

we are now home. she's watching tv.

she says she's going to take her sleeping pill to help her sleep.

+++

she's doing pretty good. i hope she doesn't backslide.

have always heard of the proverbial last straw that broke the camel's back.

didn't think it would ever happen to me, but i thought wrong.

i could feel that i'm beginning to see the light.

but first, i've to look for a new back. or camel.

it is believed that she is going through a phase.

+++

can't wait for feb 11 to come and go. maybe i should set up my own firm for events organizing.

another lesson my guru taught me

lesson no. 4: all relationships end. what is important is how you handle yourself when it ends. you must handle yourself with class.

random thoughts at 1207 am

over a hot bowl of thai noodles i told this boy my secret desire to be a #&!@*. from across the table i could see his reaction -- he was probably internally debating on whether to laugh out loud or to just keep it all in lest he offend me tremendously. he didn't say much but he did say something about photoshop.

anyway, okay lang. it's a dream after all, a dream i know will never happen, for various reasons. but if i could live my life all over again, i'd like to be that.

+++

but am pretty pleased that i've been called not nice tonight. you may find this very weird but i prefer being called not-nice than nice.

+++

and some even more random thought before i go off to sleep --

everytime i think about my state and feel bad, i remember what you told me before -- that you used to want something so very bad yourself, and you didn't get it. it makes me feel less bad about my situation because even heroes like you do sometimes fail as well.

the year of magical thinking

dear armi,

thanks for suggesting that i get this book and give it to my sister. i did, yesterday, when we were in megamall.

i scooted to national bookstore, got her the book and gave it to her while she was inside powerbooks. she smiled me a dry smile, immediately went out and opened the red plastic bag. she sat on a chair at a nearby restaurant and started reading. i joined her... we didn't care that we were not buying from that place. my sister looked hungry, not for food, but for meaning.

i want my own copy of that book.

you know how much c.s. lewis' a grief observed helped me in understanding grief the way i knew grief. i was young, totally uncool for thinking i was going through grief. now i know that grief for a young heart is foolishness for somebody who has lived more.

grief is not a state of mind, it's what happens to you. you have no control of grief, it possesses you. until you get exorcised of it, you're truly truly not yourself. you just have to wait for time to heal you. you can't wait to move on.

in the meantime, i look at my sister and i see her cry. when she's not crying, she's staring out into space. she hears us chatter over meals and every once in a while I see recognition on her face, like she gets it, she knows what we are saying, and she's deeply involved in something else other than her grief -- then that brief moment passes and she's back to being herself.

i cry for her, oh how i worry about her. but there is nothing anybody can do at this point.

lessons my guru taught me

i am humbled by your wisdom, your no-holds barred and catty tongue. i am impressed at how you can make me not finish my defensive statements and reduce me to a stumped high school girl, nodding her head in agreement with everything that you say.

lesson no. 1: admit your pettiness. it's part of who you are. after you've admitted your pettiness, you won't feel the need to justify your behavior.

lesson no. 2: you don't need to say what is on your mind. there is so much power in silence.

lesson no. 3: don't talk about the future like you know what it's going to be like. nobody knows about forever or a lifetime. you won't even know about tomorrow.

lesson no. 3: wisdom lies in listening which you do, and not in speaking which i always do.

to be continued

reaching the plateau

this is how it is with her: she gets excited, she wants it, it's all she wants, she goes for it even when it doesn't make sense or it's not supposed to be.

she's there for quite a while.

then it becomes ordinary. she hits a plateau.

problem: what if it's a high plateau? still good hence she's never coming down?

i went to a high school mate's wedding in intramuros last night. because i said i was going to come, i did. now 5 hours after we said goodbye, am still in the office-- trying to catch up with work that piled up over the last week.

i'm still wearing my red dress. it's a good thing i brought slippers. now i dread walking home to my place at this hour, in this dress.

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tomorrow is a full day, i know. meeting at 10 a.m., meeting at 2 p.m. and meeting at 4 p.m. now when do i do real work?

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i'm going home now, but am bringing one position paper and a contract, for review.

something you ought to know about me part II:

Scorpions can harness their abundant energy constructively, tempering their self-confidence with shrewdness and their ambition with magnanimity toward others provided they like them. They relate to fellow workers only as leaders and can be blunt to those they dislike to the point of cruelty. In fact they are not above expressing vindictiveness in deliberate cruelty. They are too demanding, too unforgiving of faults in others, perhaps because they are not aware of the shortcomings within themselves, and extravagantly express their self-disgust in unreasonable resentment against their fellows. They do, however, make excellent friends, provided that their companions do nothing to impugn the honor of which Scorpios are very jealous. Part of the negative side of the Scorpio nature is a tendency to discard friends once they cease to be useful, but the decent native is aware of, and fights this tendency.

"Good afternoon! This is ______'s assistant. I would like to confirm your attendance at ____'s wedding on January 28, 2008 at 4:30 p.m. at the San Diego Gardens in Intramuros. Will be reserving seats for you. Please reply to confirm that two of you are coming."

I texted back:

"Thanks. I'll attend. Just one seat."

After sending it, I hesitated. Should I have deleted "just"? "Just one seat" sounded pathetic.

Flashback to 2003, my best friend's wedding (not the movie, this really happened.)

Nene walked down the aisle, all pretty. She was smiling. She walked really fast, awkwardly fast. (Later she told me that it was the most awkward thing to do. To walk down the aisle and have everybody look at her.)

I found myself crying. I cried because my best friend was getting married. And because I was alone then. I was still part of a "couple" weeks before Nene's wedding and being an uncouple at her wedding made me cry.

Fast forward to now. Everything that has been done, cannot be undone. Pero hindi na ko iiyak.

something you ought to know about me:

ang pinakaayaw ko sa lahat, ay yung mahirap kausap. ayaw ko nang pa-intriga, ayaw ko nang hindi upfront. ayaw ko nang komplikadong buhay, masaya na ko, hindi kita kailangan.

okay? okay.

now, get. out.

+++

hahaha. it's in a dream sequence. but it's something that i do want to be able to say to you.

+++

now, please whoever is reading this, it's NOT YOU.

this was what i wanted to tell you before you logged off earlier:

dear menmen,

thanks. we enjoyed disney on ice. and the snacks at butter diner. we felt your presence even if you weren't there.

your bpi atm made all the difference.

see you in five (long) days,
aw aw

australian open

i've been staying up late(r) these nights to watch the australian open. well, i like tennis per se, but it's even more meaningful for me to be seeing melbourne on tv, to be catching a glimpse of the buildings over the horizon through the open arena and seeing the typical aussie folks in their casual outfit.

my resolution: watch the australian open live. next year.

+++

i don't have any favorite player in tennis. when i got home tonight i caught this australian player beat amelie mauresmo. i've realized that i would always cheer for the underdog and that i just like seeing the big names lose. if it's two big names playing against each other, i want the bigger name to lose. wala lang. i'm not a fan of personalities, i just like seeing the underdogs outplay the big stars.

+++

somebody was waving a banner that reads: "my drinking team has a tennis problem." cute.

+++

i could never be a good linesman. i'm afraid that if i see a ball out, i might shout "noooooooooooo!" rather than "out".

+++

it was past 2 am in australia when the game between roddick and his opponent finally finished. of course, roddick's opponent was not as popular and i didn't even know who he was in the beginning. written on the scoreboard were the names "rod" and "koh". for some reason i had assumed the opponent's name was really koh and that he was either japanese or korean. it was much later when i learned he was german and his name was actually kohlschreiber.

question: what is one more after several others in the past?

answer: sisiw.

"this! is ammerikenidle."

that's how ryan seacrest usually says it. it's funny that year in year out it's something that my friend and i usually text each other every american idol day.

caught the philly auditions last night and it's disappointing how AI is content with showing clips of pathetic wannabees (or not -- more like KSPs). well, at least simon doesn't seem to tolerate the KSPs anymore.

i would rather see the auditions of those who will get in. of course that's predictable but since this is a singing contest, i'd rather know ahead who's really good.

+++

have something to do for the office on saturday. it's saddening to be aware that i only have one free day this weekend.

every once in a while my life here in the office becomes showbiz.

in 2005, my firm celebrated its 20th anniversary. the challenge for us then was to put up a big event that included cocktails, sit-down dinner and entertainment for about 800 guests. the guests ranged from the most powerful to the most scornful (sometimes these two words are interchangeable. this is my personal opinion, this is MY blog remember?). i was in charge of the program and my task was to put together a SHOW.

after a series of negotiations, the san miguel philharmonic orchestra, isay alvarez and robert seña became our performers back then.

we will have our firm re-launch in february this year. there will be cocktails for about 600 people and, again, i am in charge of the program. they want formal and classy.

first thought: lea salonga. perfect, since she's here. i've not reached lea, and i'm not sure if i want to because i will most likely not be able to afford her.

through connections from UP and ABS-CBN, i have been able to reach the philippine madrigal singers and The Company. you like? i think they will make a good back-to-back for a good balance of classical and a more updated singing (for the record, moy ortiz of The Company was sooo nice on the phone earlier.)

anyway, right now am thinking of things such as provisions for lights and sounds, synthesizers, pianist, holding room for the performers, meals, coffee, transpo, whatnot. am back to my old production girl self. it would be really nice to do this for a living.

p.s. i still don't have an emcee. i reached daphne oseña but she's busy on the date of the event. i'm thinking maybe david celdran, or audie gemora.

11 things i want to say to specific people, but won't.

1. Money may make the world go round, but I don’t think yours can.
2. Try relaxing for a minute, it will do you good.
3. I wish you not only real happiness. I wish that you would recognize happiness when it happens to you.
4. Please don't worry so much about me.
5. Sometimes I wonder if we’re really friends or just pretending to be.
6. Whatever will be, will be. And THAT will be great.
8. Greater things await you. One day you will laugh again.
9. Grow up.
10. Are you happy? Your husband’s kinda weird.
11. Please don't demote me for that mistake. I'll do better next time.