my weekend was tiring but in a good way.

last saturday i had meant to attend my sorority lunch at manila polo. since i came home to qc friday night, attending the lunch meant traveling from fairview to makati. i knew traffic would be heavy at around lunchtime but i did not expect it to be that heavy. i was crawling from east avenue to crame at about 1220, and knew that by the time i reach makati lunch would have been long finished. i took a detour and tried to change my phone's settings to block a call from S, as i promised her i'd be attending lunch. thankfully that call never came.

i ended up going to a nail salon which offered a full body massage service. finally!

afterwards i tried going to makati again, but traffic was really bad still. i just went home and hung out with my family.

at about 730, i packed up and headed for badminton. i played badminton from 8 to 12 midnight.

then sunday morning i played badminton from 930 a.m. to 1230 p.m. an addict, yes.

i functioned pretty well pa in the afternoon while my family and i enjoyed dinner "out". literally, at the porch. we celebrated several things last night: my sister's having finished her report, our getting a US visa, seeing gabby concepcion who was super guwapo on the buzz. the last one was a joke, but gabby did look really gwapo. i don't remember finding him attractive before, but then again, the guy left the philippines in 1995 when i was young and had a different taste in men. now it's 2008 and yes, throw me a gabby concepcion look-alike, or anybody with the same man-aura and i'd gladly celebrate him.

this morning it was so hard to get out of bed. but today is my workmate's birthday and i knew we would have a funky lunch to celebrate. we had lunch at myron's place in gb5 and i ordered some really nice lamb chops = reminded me of that time in adelaide where my galpal and i ate a whole lot of lamp chops being passed around.

tomorrow, there's another lunch to be sponsored by our firm for the passing of the bar by our newest hirees. it's even more special because one of them placed 7th.

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this write up looks like a news bit written by a 12 year old.

good enough

yesterday i spent hours and hours talking to my badminton mates, D and B, still soaked in sweaty badminton attire. since it was easter sunday, only 3 of us showed up for badminton. good thing the trainor was there to complete a doubles game. i was the only girl in the group.

after a really tiring game, D, B and I sat outside the court for small talk before going home. the small talk eventually became big as we talked about several things:

1. B's newborn child
2. B's current relationship with the mother of his child (B and mother of child were broken up when the baby was conceived. cue in the song: let's take all night to say goodbye)
3. B's analysis on why I am still unmarried and unattached
4. D's analysis on who I am and what I want.

of course i need not discuss B's child and his relationship. i mean, care ko.

B thinks i am intimidating and will have trouble attracting any real guy. he said i was suplada when we first met. i told him he was suplado when we first met. obviously we're good now but he still thinks if a guy didn't know me well enough he'd get intimidated. as to what kind of guy would be intimidated by me, i wouldn't know and B didn't tell me.

B also thinks am super engrossed with my career that i have no time for love. to this, D commented: "of course not. (D) is a drop-everything girl." napaisip ako. medyo true. i was a terrible student when i had a boyfriend or was in deep crush with someone. i wrote on the margins of my notes the name of current boy and even FLAMES-ed our names while in class.
when then current boy was my classmate i really did LOUSY in all my recitations he must have thought I was a complete moron. [pero buti na lang mas mataas ang ranking ko sa kanya when we graduated.] for the record, then-boy and i are friends now, and am over him and he knows it.

anyway. D thinks I have just not been lucky. maybe i am, maybe not. maybe what i need i already have, maybe i just haven't realized it.

in the end, B told me that he should have met me earlier last year and I would be probably married to him now. i let that roll off my back: what do you say to somebody who tells you that?

i tell B (the real B) about this and he asks me: "would you have wanted to marry him?"

i say: "hmmm. he plays really good badmin and is kind and looks nice. but he's just a friend to me. but that's not the issue, is it? the issue is, this guy thinks am good enough."

i ask B, am i good enough? B says, yes.

I say: i want to be the best. best enough. :) and i want my partner to be somebody i could look up to. i want him to be better, greater than me. i want to be The Greatest Fan of His Life.

anyway. sappy sappy monday afternoon.

B, D and I finished talking around 3 pm. D's wife was calling him already and D said he'd lie about being late. D told his wife B treated us to lunch. afterwards D told me: "yari, sobrang gutom ako and i can't have lunch at home because i told (wifey) we already had lunch."

hahaha. karma.

di ako iyakin na tao. pag ikaw napaiyak mo 'ko, wear a medal. you have either hurt me or irritated me so much that you had better be prepared to get hurt yourself.

i played badminton tonight from 8 til 1040. a total of six games.

when i first signed up for the queuing, the guy in charge eyed me suspiciously, but politely asked me: "di naman ho kayo beginner?"

in my mind: "HUWAAAAT???" i've been playing badminton regularly for over 2 years. but of course the dude didn't know that.

anyway, i said "um, no..." (then i internally and quickly debated with myself on whether to tell him that i play class C badminton --- hehehe jokejokejoke)

after about 3 games, the dude paired me up with a girl and we were supposed to go up against 2 boys (well. one boy and one she-boy with long hair and boobs. he was almost pretty. could have fooled me really but HER voice gave HIM away.)

my partner complained to the dude: "2 boys yun."

the dude looked at me and said "magaling naman si ma'am..." tapos biglang kumambyo ng: "magaling naman kayong dalawa..."

WOO-HOO!!!!

my expensive mizuno shoes were amazing (c/o B, the wrestler boi). and so was the hand-me down winnex racket that i had not been using for years (c/o D, my ball date for several years).

4cdb.

loose ends and chasing pavements

i asked her, can you believe it?
am so done.
i'm just waiting for one final gift and then i'll be gone.
i don't want anything else anymore, ok na ko. tama na.

please just leave me alone in peace.

my sister is now back in her house in california.

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she needs to make peace with it.

she could still feel some parts of her denying, rejecting it, but thankfully, she feels that it can be overcome.

i am happy with the level of peacefulness that she has reached when it has only been a short while.

4 steps:

1. cry.
2. take a deep breath.
3. drink water.
4. move along.

a surprise birthday.

she wouldn't have thought in a million years that such a birthday party was going to happen as the clock struck midnight.

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it's too easy.

i ran at 630 this morning at the park. with my ipod on, i only thought of 2 things:

can i possibly run twice (and a half) around the academic oval in 28 minutes?

can i possibly finish 88th out of 500 runners?

(and while my ipod was playing coldplay, that song from les miz was going in and out of my head)

my male friend (let's call him MF) and i were walking back from dinner last night when his cellphone buzzed. he wondered who could be texting him so late in the night (it was 11 pm-ish), and i suspected (as am sure he did too) that it was his non-girl. it turned out that it wasn't her, but something about the guess I made, made me realize something.

but for reference, let me explain why i call her non-girl. because she seems to be his girl and yet not. MF is obviously not certain on whether he wants her to be his girl, and yet won't stop seeing her because (i think) he may want her to be his girl sometime in the future. gets? at least, MF is not being rash in making a decision that could change both his and non-girl's lives. i also think that he's playing his cards right.

anyway, going back: so assuming that it was non-girl texting MF, and assuming that it meant she was kind of reaching out to him late that night because she's in love with him, based on MF's reaction, i reached the following conclusions:

you cannot make anybody fall in love with you.

and at the same time,

you cannot make yourself fall in love with somebody no matter how hard you try.

and, as conclusion no. 3:

knowing and understanding conclusions 1 and 2 above would save you from unnecessary pain (in the first case) or guilt (in the second).

ganyan talaga ang buhay.

p.s. i know. i think TOO MUCH.

Felicity: (recording) I remember reading somewhere that, --

In the darkened room, Felicity and Ben sit in the window box talking.

Felicity: (recording) -- that soldiers who have been through battle, that they have some kind of a special bond because, you know, they survived it. I never really knew what that meant, before last night.

inspired by a true story that was almost mine:

an unexpected twist

her prognosis was not very good. as all break ups usually go, she expected it to be bad; the kind that would make her cry and ache for him day and night until she dried up. she expected it to be that kind that she would restrain herself from contacting him and instead indulge in sprees - crying, drinking, shopping.

he was a great guy who had lost his way but found his way back. he appreciated her and believed that she was a good person and wanted to be around her for the rest of his life. and vice versa.

and friendships are a great thing.

cheers to lifelong friendships.

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taken from somebody's wall in facebook:

life is short,
break the rules,
forgive quickly,
kiss slowly,
love truly,
laugh uncontrollably,
and never regret anything that made you smile.

Of the good in you I can speak, but not of the evil.

For what is evil but good tortured by its own hunger and thirst?

Verily when good is hungry it seeks food even in dark caves, and when it thirsts, it drinks even of dead waters.

- Kahlil Gibran